stupid girls, stupid, stupid.. stupid girls. I don't know why I really bother with them. Oh, well I forgot that they're girls. That's why I put up with that. LOL. Ughh...

I'll be honest with you,(myself), there is literally one thing I look for immediately when I picture a woman. Can you guess what it is?

(the face) Well, I look for Velma. Yes. Velma, from Scooby-Doo. She is probably the most beautiful looking person in the world, she's real, smart and funny. Did I mention the red hair? Oh the pale skin...

Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. If I can put you in a Bill Cosby sweater and still think you're beautiful, than you win. It's something in the face. Cute cheeks, freckles, porceline skin, (glasses?!), and a quirky smile. Something about that just makes me melt. Maybe I'm focusing my energy a bit on the secretary from Ghostbusters or something.

I've only met one person that filled that description out for me, well, actually not really. Different hair color. Close enough for me though. I can't really talk to her anymore though, you see, I left her for someone else. Then in a spurt of drunken denial, I cheated on my girlfriend with her. I watched the girl I had broken's heart cry her beautiful eyes out. Her glasses filled with steam and her arms covering her naked body.

I remember imagining that things could be alright for a moment, so I held her and calmed her to sleep. I think periodically that my mind has aged farther ahead of my body as I mention wishing to turn back the clock constantly. Make things right for the past, It's the Virgo's calling card.

I can't even be happy with my current girlfriend, It's been 2 years together. I won't truly care about her until she's gone. God, what can I do? Who could I look up to? Not the father that took the easy way out. I'm ready to take the hard way out, the sufferer's exit strategy, constantly walking through a turn-style of razor sharp hunting blades doused in kerosene.

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started my new diet, got back into cigs, still drink - need the meds again. No more eating, not worth it - i'll just get nauseous and puke it up